Takeaways from Costa Rica

It’s funny how when you travel, you grow.  You get out of the day to day “trance” and are more attentive, more alert.  It’s like your brain switches into a new gear.  While I’m on each trip, I usually notice a series of aha moments that, strung together, create a theme.  From Morocco, it was the power of freedom AND connection that this network offers for women.  We have just returned from a magical time in Costa Rica and, in keeping with the abundance that is Costa Rica, I received TWO “ahas!”
The first was . . . ASK for what you want!  You might have heard the social theory that people can be divided into two types of people:  “askers” and “guessers.”  The theory posits that the vast majority of us are “guessers.”  We don’t like to make people uncomfortable or put them on the spot, so we avoid asking them directly to DO anything or FOR anything unless we are fairly certain the answer will be “YES.” We don’t want to be told “NO” and the way to avoid that embarrassment for all parties involved is to read the scene, predict the perspectives of the roles involved, assume what can happen, and adjust accordingly. Women who have been socialized to be caring, thoughtful, considerate, or perfect might be especially prone to this psychological conditioning. This is me.  A thousand times a day.
There’s this whole other way to be in the world.  Just ask the “askers”!  They see no harm in asking, they take no affront or embarrassment at hearing no, and they see the world as chock full of possibilities!  They just bring their curiosity, see opportunity . . . and get in there and poke around.  And then just ask!  You can ask nicely, kindly, lightly - your body language can indicate resilience . . . and guess what?  Sometimes,the answer -  to your surprise -  might be YES!  
Two examples come to mind.  Well, three . . . but you don’t need to hear about “water into gin” miracles on the plane, lol. The first was at our Arenal resort at the base of the volcano.  We had a free afternoon and a few of us had gone to the spa, a few to a nearby hot springs, and a few to nap,  and some of us migrated back to the pool about 5pm.  There was a restaurant / grille by the pool and a few sisters wanted to grab a light dinner there instead of the main dining room.  At 5:09 when I approached the counter to order I could see they were putting food away, cleaning up, etc.  When I asked about ordering food, the body language was off.  It looked like they were all packing up to end their shift and the last thing they needed was a nacho order.  We’ve all been there, so in bad Spanish I asked if I should just go to the main dining room later and they said yes.  A little disappointing but not a human rights crisis by any means. 
As I head back to our room I encountered other Travel Sisters preparing to go to the pool to eat; they were under the impression that there was a whole food scene about to break out there.  I told them my doubts but realized I wasn't SURE (my Spanish IS really bad) and off they went to investigate and ASK.  Turns out there was a whole OTHER dinner shift that started at 6pm and those workers were thrilled to see them and made the most amazing meal that they all shared and enjoyed immensely.  If I had just asked, expected abundance, kept my mind open that my assumptions might not be big or true enough, I too would have discovered what they did.  ​

The second example happened on the flights home.  There were some sisters who were hoping to get their interview at Miami immigration/ customs so they could get their global entry status completed.  Our flight got in at 5:46 and the website said the office closed at 6:00pm.  Bummer.  But one sister decided to just ASK the scary people behind the glass and guess what? They do interviews anytime until the last flight for the day comes in!  She slid right into an interview and BAM - all done!  That saved her a four hour drive to Charlotte, Wilmington or Norfolk.   

In addition to the power of ASKING, I also saw the power of radical acceptance.  I like to think it’s always existed in this network, I just couldn’t put my finger on it until I read a book creatively titled Radical Acceptance (by Tara Brach).  Women get a lot of scrutiny and criticism in this culture.  We are bombarded with messages that we are too much or too little - too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too bossy, too messy, too flaky, not sexy enough, etc. etc.  In this network, we just do not make space for that noise.  We are each amazing in our own right, with a unique set of gifts and perspectives that can be of value in the collective.  Just come as you are, relax, and be ready to jump in when your gifts can help lift us . . .  but the default setting is to just “ride the wave” of fun and adventure, together.  
Two examples come to mind here, too.  One of our Costa Rica chicas, the night before we left, had her dog paw at her in the night and he hit the sensitive skin around her eye.  It hurt!  Wouldn’t you know, the next morning she had a deep purple black eye.  Instead of worrying about it, trying to cover it up, etc., she just led the way with an “it is what it is” mindset.  We all joined right in.  We named the bruise Bruce and didn’t think much of it except to laugh and concoct ridiculous origin stories she could tell people upon her return.  It WAS sweet when our tour guide Eduardo pulled her aside one day to ask if she was safe at home.  In the end there is not much he can do from Costa Rica about a badly behaved dog, but it was a nice gesture!

Another one of our Costa Rica chicas was a new traveler and immediately felt shame on the trip about overpacking.  We’ve all been there - it’s really easy to do!  We reassured her that while she might do differently next time, this time we could help literally ease her burdens!  My light-hearted suggestion to hold an exciting bonfire was not accepted (understandable, I suppose) and instead we moved on to conferring with our tour guide, finding another maleta (suitcase), and it all worked out and provided a hilarious adventure one afternoon in Monteverde.  But another really important reality is that she literally saved lives on our trip with the bounty of stuff she had!  One sister had a health issue and - ta da! - she had a pouch that could be ice pack or hot water bottle.  An hour drive to the hospital in the middle of the night was avoided. One day we needed tweezers and she had three kinds!  Oh, we laughed.  And it all worked out.
I have a theory that when we feel truly accepted and celebrated for who we are and what we bring to the “life party” we are attending, we can relax, let our defenses down, and lean into a growth mindset.  I see it again and again and I love that we are building a network with radical acceptance as a core concept.  
Thanks Costa Rica Chicas for such a great trip, and thanks to all the women who are helping build this network on a foundation of empowerment, dedication to collective wellbeing, and with a commitment to radical acceptance and a growth mindset.  Can’t wait for our next adventure!